made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
