So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're too hungover to prance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So here I am, sexting at work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
