You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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