i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
