I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
