You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
