i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
