How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
