I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
