YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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