Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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