she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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