i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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