Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
