i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
