He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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