can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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