would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
