He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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