cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
