I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
