do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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