Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
