Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
