He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize