its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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