they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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