You can't special order awesome
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
