come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
