im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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