Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
