I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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