How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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