I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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