Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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