they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
