Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
