Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
