Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
