wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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