hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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