i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
