I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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