Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
