Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
