Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The air was thick with penises
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
