I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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