Non-Jews are for practice
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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