I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
