he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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