You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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