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Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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