His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
