whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
