What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When are your genitals available?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
