Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They have beer where we have blood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
