im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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