Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
