She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
