if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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