I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
