...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
