i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
