I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
