never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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