Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
