Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
