she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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