I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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